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Most of the quotes are laid out as follows:
Episode number (Episode name) - Person calling and others listeningin
How Moe calls for the person
If anybody in the bar responds,who said what (usually,
everybody in the barlaughs, except in 8F08)
What Moe says when he realizesit's the crank caller
Moe's response to the caller
7G01 (Some Enchanted Evening) - Bart with Lisa and Maggie
Phone call for Al...Al Coholic...isthere an Al Coholic here?
Wait a minute...
Listen, you little yellow-belliedrat jackass, if I ever find
out who you are, I'm gonnakill you!
(Bart and Lisa laugh)
7G01 (Some Enchanted Evening) - Bart with Lisa and Maggie
Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!
(Marge picks up the extensioand hears:)
Listen, you lousy bum, ifI ever get a hold of you, I swear
I'll cut your belly open!
7G03 (Homer's Odyssey) - Bart with Lisa
Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!
Wait a minute...
Listen to me you lousy bum.When I get a hold of you, you're
dead. I swear I'm gonnaslice your heart in half!
(Bart and Lisa laugh)
7G06 (Moaning Lisa) - Bart with Lisa
Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!
Oh, wait a minute...JacquesStrap
It's you isn't it ya cowardlylittle runt? When I get a hold
of you, I'm gonna gut youlike a fish and drink your blood!
(Bart laughs)
7F11 (One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish) - Bart with Lisa
Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I
wanna Seymour Butz!
Oh, wait a minute...
Listen, you little scum-suckingpus-bucket! When I get my
hands on you, I'm gonnaput out your eyeballs with a
corkscrew!
(Bart and Lisa laugh)
7F15 (Principal Charming) - Bart (in Principal Skinner's office)
Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has
gotta be Homer Sexual!
(Homer:) Don't look at me!
Oh, no...
You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll
sink my teeth into yourcheek and rip your face off!
(Skinner, on the other end:)You'll do what, young man?
(Note the episode capsule, as well as earlier versions of this list,
says "rotten liver pot" instead of "rotten little punk")
7F22 (Blood Feud) - Bart with Lisa
Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch
lately?
Listen to me, you littlepuke. One of these days, I'm going to
catch you, and I'm goingto carve my name on your back with
an ice pick!
(Bart and Lisa laugh)
8F02 (Treehouse of Horror II) - Bart with Mrs. Krabappel and one of
the Sherri/Terri twins
Uh, hey, everybody! I'ma stupid moron with an ugly face and
big butt and my butt smellsand I like to kiss my own butt
Oh, wait a minute...
(Bart laughs; Mrs. Krabappelsees him and then laughs as well)
8F08 (Flaming Moe's) - Bart
Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh,somebody check the men's room for a Hugh
Jass!
(There is a Hugh Jass atMoe's; he takes the call)
8F09 (Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk) - Bart
Bea O'Problem! BeaO'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea
O'Problem here?
(Barney:) You sure do!
Oh...it's you, isn't it?
Listen, you. WhenI get a hold of you, I'm going to use your
head for a bucket and paintmy house with your brains!
(Bart laughs)
9F06 (New Kid on the Block) - Bart
Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda
Huggenkiss! Ah, why can'tI find Amanda Huggenkiss?
(Barney:) Maybe your standardsare too high!
You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm
going to shove a sausagedown your throat and stick starving
dogs in your butt!
(Bart tells Moe his nameis Jimbo Jones and gives his own
address: Jimbo and LauraPowers are making out in Bart's
living room)
9F06 (New Kid on the Block) - Laura Powers with Bart
Ivana Tinkle? IvanaTinkle? All right, everybody, put down
your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!
(Laura and Bart laugh)
2F19 (The PTA Disbands) - this isn't at Moe's; Moe is taking over asthe
substitute teacher for Mrs. Krabappel's classduring the strike
OK, when I call your name,uh, you say "present" or "here".
Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
(the students all laugh)
All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?
(more laughs)
All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
(still more laughs)
Hey, what are you laughingat? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get
it. It's my big ears,isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well,
children, I can't help that!
(Moe runs out of the classroomcrying as Bart crosses Moe's name
off of a list of what arenow former substitute teachers)
3F14 (Homer the Smithers) - Mr. Burns
(Mr. Burns says "I'm lookingfor a Mr. Smithers, first name
Wayland")
Oh, so you're looking fora Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland,
is it? Listen to me,you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out
your eyes and shove 'emdown your pants, so you can watch me
kick the crap outta you,okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue
to paint my boat!
3F17 (Bart on the Road) - Homer
(Homer) Hello, I'd liketo speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura
(Moe) Eura Snotball?
(Homer) What? Howdare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple
a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!
tallboy@pobox.alaska.netEmail me with suggestions or for anything you see here.
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