Official Al-Can Trip Log
by Bryan Medsker (bryan@[inquire if you want to email him]),
Rod Remily (ennuiboy@hotmail.com),
and Royce Williams (royce@tycho.org)
compiled 03/03/1994
cleaned up a bit 03/30/1998
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Date/Time, Mileage, Author of note, amt of gas, price gas, buyer
text of log entry text of log entry text of log entry text of log entry
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May 17 10:14p ? Royce
Collecting a few things we forgot. Dropping by Tammy's to say good-bye and
get some well-wishing.
10:58p 60660.6 Royce
Going to pick up Mr. Very Late. Hope he found someone to take his car to
Continental.
11:01p 60661.7 Royce
"Whoever wants to sleep can sleep. Whoever wants to drive can drive."
11:21p 60664.7 Royce
Rod getting money from machine. Have given Jana's number to Ms. Remily.
Afraid she will call and make keening noises.
11:28p 60665.0 Bryan
Waiting in van for Rodnick. We thinks Royce shall drive us from town. Are
not sure who will need to sleep first, and who can drive.
11:42p 60665.35 Bryan
Leaving.
May 18 12:00 60683.2 Bryan
Midnight. Seemed at the time to be a meaningful time to make an entry.
12:03a 60691.5 Bryan
Passed over new Knik River Bridge.
12:21a 60703.x Bryan
First waste of gas. Rod confused Palmer with Wasilla. (Okay, a few yards
was all it was.)
3:25a 60841.5 Bryan 5.1 gal, $6.00, Royce
Gas at Hub of AK.
4:05a 60884.4 Rod
First sign of large fauna (moose). Royce tried, but missed.
4:13a 60892.2 Rod
Saw 2nd large herbivore, it was very wise, made us sing Pink Floyd. Or did
it? ...
4:21a 60902.? Rod
3rd boring moose, I feel myself growing weary of rating common forest
animals. Brian feigns sleep, while plotting our deaths. Saw two moose.
View allows visual aid to continental drift.
4:41a 60928.6 Rod
First road kill, sadly we didn't do it. Formerly a rabbit/hare. Decided
we had enough to eat. Will get the pelt on way back.
5:05a 60975.2 Rod 12.77 gal, $18.45, Rod
Entered Tok. Gas was exploding before Royce's eyes. He will die soon
without cheese. Fill gas tank. Eat breakfast, must remember to put Valium
in Mr. Williams' Pop-Tarts tomorrow.
6:21a 60977.1 Bryan
Had breakfast. Leaving Tok. 93 mi. to border.
7:52a 61058.27 Royce
Stopped at the not-quite-finished Tetlin Visitor Center. Became very quiet
to hear "world without humans." Shouted a bit until we felt better. Took
pictures in rotation. Wonder about air in tires. Three miles from border.
7:59a 61065.1 Royce
Saw sign saying "Entering Canada." No hockey yet. No MacKenzie brothers
on passing bus.
8:12a 61069.9 Royce
Ran over a gigantic pile of rocks. Going back to US Customs to see if
someone can do a good imitation of a belt.
8:50a 61086.5 Royce 6.5 gal, $10.34, Rod
Customs had no custom belts. Were told by Portly Patrol Poop that there was
somewhere five miles back towards Alaska. No dice. Clicking sound made by
loose power-steering thingie has disappeared, although now instead of being
twisted (stage 1) or sideways (stage 2) it is now entirely inside-out.
Rodoid says that this will result in some kind of interstellar convergence,
or at least, the belt will wear out more quickly, in which case, Bryan (or
whoever else will be driving) will get a free arm-workout, sans power
steering. Worst case, we drive until we find a place that can replace it.
Or the car might explode. We have been parked at the last Texaco and Rod
has just payed $10.34 for 6.5 gallons of gas. We have purchased an extra
pint to burn a small wood thing shaped like Woody Harrelson.
11:19a 61111.6 Royce
After discovering a knocking near left rear tire, stopped at Petro-Canada to
have it looked at, as well as replacing or checking the belt. Total charge
for flip of belt and tighten of shock bolt: C$12.50. Full tank, repairs
holding up on the way to Destruction Bay, where Rod hopes to engage in some
recreational nostalgia, and scope a babe from the last trip.
1:00p 61125.0 Bryan
Okay. After a routine potty/car maintenace stop (tightened shock), Royce
could not find his !@#$% keys. Which were really mine, five keys in all.
The Vorpal Pocket of Royce (distance cousin of place where lost socks go)
finally failed to digest, and subsequently regurgitated the keys, which had
been missing when Royce checked his pockets _twice_. The Trip continues.
3:00p 61240.1 Rod
Depart Destruction BAY quickly to escape bus full of gypsies wishing to
purchase Bryan for soup stock. (felt it best not to mention to others)
Consumed food while Royce used the old "ask about dog, sleep together bit."
... it failed. Dog rejected offer. Cute waitress obviously on to better
things in life. Bryan attempts to sleep after hard day in restroom. Royce
practices for Indy 500 on way to Haines Junction for wholesale underwear. (I
don't think I'll tell him) I think we lost gypsies ... but can't be sure.
They're pretty crafty ....
Secured item needed. Tested for purity. Plans within plans.
3:38p 61268.7 Rod
Saw first motorcyclist, Harley-Davidson of course. Established contact.
Signaled possession of the item. Will transfer contraband when no one is
looking.
8:00p 61292.1 Rod 2.50L, C$17.00, Royce
Excellent time to Haines Junction. Royce disappointed by no underwear. Is
now using extra Hefty bags w/holes cut into them. Keeping Bryan drugged
w/pure vodka, instead of Evian, at this point he can't tell the difference.
Am currently plotting a coup d'etat, searching van for supporters ...
? 61375.3 Rod
Enter Whitehorse. Shock causing problems again. Mr. Williams "Kiss the
Twix" is complaining that we can't go Mach II. Bryan is coming out of his
coma, need to find the Thorazine in my bag. Problem w/left blinker, Royce
thinks it's sabotage. I make trouble and agree. Sadly, 1 package of
essential item has been mistakenly ingested.
5:45p 61338.7 Bryan 34.30L, C$22.25, Bryan
Rear shock is still bad, and the service places are closed. I'll try
driving towards Watson Lake now.
10:52p 61403.1 Royce
Well, we're still here. After inspecting the shock, we are going to go
ahead and go on to Watson Lake anyway, at reduced speed, to try to minimize
the time wasted by the fact that the #@?! mechanics all went home five
minutes before we got to town. Rod driving a bit, followed by maybe me.
Should take 6 hours or so. The God of Mechanics, Lambada, will receive no
tithe from me this season. We have been on the road for slightly over 24
hours, and I already feel like Sisyphus. Wonder how long w/o showers we can
go before we begin to damage the asphalt. Would kill for a 286 12MHz.
11:58p 61536.x Bryan
We just crossed the YT-BC border, on the way to Watson Lake. It's a good
thing there weren't any border guards.
May 19 2:00a 61576.4 Rod 42.7L, C$23.00, Royce
Stop for gas. Swift River. [Royce]: Tried to push Rod in front of
Greyhound Bus. Bus bucked.
7:05a 61577.5 Bryan
Leaving little place along detour, after a few hours of sleep. [Royce]: My
soap has attempted to escape, but fell to its death from the dashboard. We
are now using it for "parts." Rod breathing uncrushed rocks. We have
picked up a man who calls himself "The Mystic Adventurer of Twisty Pink
Space-Time." His sidekick is called "Tim." They are boring as hell.
9:49a 61676.8 Bryan
We stopped at Grunow Motors and got a bolt put in the shock. Our flasher
unit is broken, but who cares? We can do it manually until later. Also got
ripped off for a pair of pliers.
9:58a 61677.7 Bryan ?L, C$13.00, Royce
Leaving Watson Lake.
12:50a 61841.9 Bryan 39.55L, C$25.26, Bryan
Gas at J&H Wilderness. [Royce]: I had breakfast, Rod had dinner, Bryan had
lunch. Then we gave a play totally impromptu to squirrels.
5:30p 62061.0 Rod
Well, strange things have happened since last entry um Gas was bought by
Royce and Bryan cause I got no Canadian so I pay in states. um ... we
couldn't write in journal because secret agent masquerading as moron slowing
us down released nerve gas that disabled portion of brain responsible for
these things. I suspect he was from future, working for rival publishing
company attempting to prevent us from creating greatest travel diary in
history.
5:39p 62069.? Rod
Bizarre twist to traveling history, had to navigate oiled, extremely dusty,
loose graveled, mined, soft shouldered, narrow single lane Git of Hell, in
which we saw the cutest flag woman yet. Worst part was having to drive the
section backwards.
two (one?) gas stops
8:01p 62150.0 Bryan
Driving away from Pink Mountain. Called asst. 'rents, had food
(pastries/small burgers), got gas (Royce). Nice roads out here. Have been
burning bridges behind us, but have been doing no good, as they are made of
steel.
8:31p 62192.3 Rod
We saw bears! A little black bear and a bigger brown bear possibly its
mother, and to celebrate Royce once again impresses us w/his ability to
nearly kill us. I change my undies. Decided to drive till we puke. Just
saw student from my Math 106 class, cool. We passed him. (I won't mention
that he said if he ever saw me again he'd kill me.)
8:47p Rod
Royce once again got our attention (I think he didn't get much attention
as a child) by nearly hitting deer. Brakes work well. Bryan got stuck in
back of my headrest, will think of something.
9:42p Rod
Royce is definitely out to kill us. I had to tell him not to sit with the
people in car in front of us. Am beginning to think he was kidnapped and a
faulty imposter was supplied. Will begin to test his memory.
9:45p 62273.7 Rod
Enter Dawson Creek.
10:??p Bryan ?L, C$13.63, Bryan?
Filled up tank in Dawson Creek
May 20 12:17a Bryan
Rod saw two moths in the headlights, and thought they were the eyes of a
quite large animal. The following sudden braking awoke Royce better than
the deer did.
12:51a 62418.x Bryan
First rain of trip. Might help, with so many bug guts on the windshield.
There's a tiny bug inside, and Rod wants me to kill it. I think I'm too
tired to care.
1:15a 62413.0 Royce 31.65L, C$18.00, Royce
Nice place - Windy Point Inn. Lots of cool stuff. Ask Bryan.
8:10a 62565.85 Royce
Rod drugged us and drove 700 mph. He says we are still in Canada, but I
don't believe him. We have slept for four hours, and desperately need to be
sandblasted.
8:36a 62585.x Bryan
New road sign experience: "Slippery when frosty."
9:00a 62601.7 Rod ?L, C$17.00, Bryan
Got gas. Took some Pepto, bought ice. Wonder if we have to have permit to
dump foreign ice residue ... only @425 miles to Portland. FUCK!
11:55a 62668.8 Bryan
For the first time on the trip, we are cleaner than the van. A nice man at
Wildwood let us purge our bodies of all impurities for C$3 apiece. Another
nice man at Econo-Zen let us purge our minds of impurities for 1/32 of our
souls.
Note: I just remembered - just on the way out of DC, I looked to the right
(at night) and saw the Statue of Liberty. It may have been backwards.
Inform Mulrooney at next available time.
12:??p 62674.0 Bryan
Stopped at McDougal's in Williams Lake, so Rod can have breakfast. Royce is
listening to Comfortably Numb. I just noticed that we are clean - we don't
have to worry about being seen by women. Rod is taking a while, which is
understandable, as it is lunchtime; and not too bad, as there are cute
Canadian fast food junkie babes to gaze upon.
12:28p 62682.9 Bryan
Rod brought back some McD's pizza. I and Royster tried some. It was pretty
good, believe it or not! I am surprised. Royce is still arguing with
Murphy about the passing possibilities.
? ? Rod
Mile 140 till border is a sign - Rodney Rd. Must have it on way back!
2:20p 62771.5 Rod
Didn't do anything interesting at all. Royce goes speed limit at all times.
Beautiful flag ladies at all stops. Yes, nice weather too. Sadly, Royce
lost C$100.00 somewhere along highway, too bad. It was either cheque or
money order. Can't tell.
? 62797.5 Royce ?L, C$15.01, Royce
Gas and stuff.
7:13p 62975.1 Royce ? gal, $15.00, Royce?
We went out of Canuck Land a bit ago. I was driving, and the other goons
neglected to record the historic moment. We are driving through variations
of medium blatter #3 and #5. Nearing a (rood?) that can see stuff. $15.00
for gas in Sumas border bit.
7:20p 62980.x Bryan
"Potatoes Ahead
Canadians Welcome"
8:17p 63037.x Bryan
Royce: "Why do they have Washington on all the ... [signs]"
May 21 5:45p ? SB
RJ just left tired and hungry. Royce is thumping away @ the computer,
Bryan's sitting on one bed, Rod's on the other & NOBODY'S DONE A DAMN THING
ALLLL DAY! Sounds like we're back home sitting in Royce's room.
May 24th 3:43p 63291.4 Royce ? gal, $10 (and $5 for oil), Rod
Outta here. Just got gas and oil.
9:22p 63478.1 Royce ? gal, $11.15, Rod
Well. Spent a long time looking for John Schumacher in Olympia - finally
found him when we sent up a flare that looked like Tasya Chambers. Had a
good visit and traded gossip. Found 272nd Ave where Scott lives very
easily, but he was not home, or else was boinking a bit. Left him a note.
Reflecting on Jana's words that I should have called first. But hey, at
least I got to eat a lot of fast food.
May 25 2:24a 63692.1 Royce 36.97L, C$22.00 (Royce) C$2.00 (Rod)
In Hope, Land of Sweaty-Humped Musk Ox and the mysterious Dung Village (TM).
We have purchased a wad o' gases and there are now 36.97 litres more in the
tank than there was. Bryan has acquired an orange robe and has shaved his
head and pelvic regions. He wants to stop for anti-itching Gold Bond
Medicated Power (TM), but his pleas for mercy in the name of the Dalai Lama
are falling on deaf ears. He has cursed us with the Whammy of Eternal
Underwear Squirminess. I think I like it.
8:04a 63883.4 Royce 41.68L, C$22.47, Bryan
Napped for a bit, then consumed small forest animals for sustenance. We are
now approximately 7 billion miles from Alpha Centauri. Expect to drive
straight through.
12:55p 64108.1 Bryan 36.22L, C$20.25, Royce
Gas.
4:50p 64342.x Bryan
Bryan gas C$21.00 Chetwynd Rod liquid P$19.24 Atlanta Royce solid q$ 2.99 Perth8:22p 64493.47 Royce 42.10L, C$28.00, Royce
Woo - back at Pink Mountain. Rod is sending out runners.
11:46p 64680.5 Bryan ?L, C$15.00, Bryan
Steamboat.
May 26 3:15a 64690.? Royce ?L, C$29.60, Royce
Drove not much and then had to stop because of major phog invasion. Have
slept since about midnight. Not sure if we are leaving. Do not forward
mail.
8:09a 64823.2 Royce
Have just had a dip in the Amazing Canadian Schweppes Hot Springs. We now
smell like sulphur but we feel warmed and happy. Rod is cooked. Now we are
taking off. Bryan is driving.
11:05a 64957.7 Bryan 27.11L, C$17.00, Bryan
We just got gas at Watson Lake. After yet another nap, Bryan will try
driving again.
3:43p 65119.0 Bryan
We only have one quart of oil in the engine. We had the oil and oil filter
changed for C$38.15 total. He put in four metric quarts.
5:05p 65216.7 Bryan 21.47L, C$13.50, Royce
Whitehorse.
7:30p 65317.0 Royce 27.34L, C$18.00, Bryan
Some gas station. Took some pictures. We accosted by some psycho who
insisted he was Margaret Thatcher. Got some gas. Not sure how much yet.
Just writing to fill space and time now. Blah blah. Peace love dope.
11:10a 65522.55 Royce ? gal, $14.15, Royce
Back in civilization. Have killed three pedestrians.
9:30a 65920.2 Bryan
Final log entry. We are home. Rod has been dropped off, and Royce and I
are at Royce's house, washing the van and making final log entries. We are
surprised to discover that our mothers have run off to become nuns. Our
fathers dealt with the shock by going bowling last Friday.
TRIP TOTALS
TOTAL MILES TOTAL GAS
------------- -------------------------
65920.2 Royce $ 6.00 C $228.51
-60660.6 Bryan $ C $171.61
------- Rod $ 54.94 C $ 2.00
5259.6 mi ------------------
$ 60.94 C $402.12
C$402.12 / 3 = C$134.04 gas usage per person
C$228.51 Royce paid C$171.61 Bryan paid
- 134.04 1/3 total - 134.04 1/3 total
----------- -----------
C$ 94.47 C$ 37.57
* 0.81 * 0.81
----------- -----------
$ 76.52 Rod owes Royce $ 30.43 Rod owes Bryan
Last updated: 2018-08-02