Why, oh ghosts of 1960s developers, do you taunt me so? As you planned and built Indian Hills, Phase 1, on a low, well-drained hill surrounded by the muskeg of Chester Valley?

Your choices to provide zero southern exposure in such a sun-deprived city and yea, thine 30-foot-wide residential streets who prevent any semblance of tree-lined neighborhood have perplexed me.

Yet these minor issues pale in comparison to your decision to spray all these ceilings with that horrible slurry of adhesive and plastery chunks to create the dreaded so-called "popcorn ceiling"?

Popcorn ceilings are the rare perfect evil: maximized surface area attracts dust and dirt far faster than regular flat ceiling finish, while this very chunkiness makes the ceiling impossible to clean. A viscious feedback cycle which actually encourages these awful surfaces to get dirty fast, and then stay that way.

Eventually, the dirt and grime stand out far too obviously once walls are freshly painted. Then, only then, do we begin the excruciating task of painting a vertical surface riddled with blocky chunks up to 1/2 inch deep. Such texture encourages paint to bead and drip all over the applicator, and the friable chunky popcorn material often becomes dislodged stuck to the roller and brush.

Were you trying to save time (and money) by throwing the ceiling drywall up quickly, and then covering the crappy job with this popcorn junk? Because don't tell me you did it for looks (nevermind the sparkly dust I find embedded in the deeper layers of paint). You saved time and money at the expense of the precious time of all the homeowners that followed. And to do this to such an otherwise well-built home.

To be fair, you ghosts, I'll bet there is something people are doing today that will be the popcorn ceiling of the 2020s... Pergo floors.

You heard it here first!