Hmmmmm, somehow I just knew I'd find you here. Its funny how a such a small word can have so much power over all of us. Now just what about SEX makes us all run over here so quick?
Lets knock a few things around and see what we can come up with.
To begin with, just how much sex can you find in this page?
To the Guys!
Just read an interesting book titled "How to Drive Your Woman Wild in Bed"
by Grahm Masterton
Read it so your woman will stop badmouthing you behind your back. You don't know it all no matter what you think or how long you've been married to her. 6 bucks is all it cost (7 for you Canada guys. I guess they figure you'll pay more for that information)
Warning!!!!!
Book is extreamly frank and my cause you to wonder why your woman has put up with you all these years. If naughty words offend you, Have your wife read it to you omiting those bad words.
Some of the things you'll learn are:
7 Yummy Rules of good lovership
10 favorite love-plays women crave
10 great all-time turn-ons that make her melt in your arms
50 "X-rated techniques" to heighten her erotic responces to you.....TONIGHT!
AND MORE!
Ladies!!
Guess what? Good old Grahm didn't forget you!
Read "How to Drive Your Man Wild in Bed"
Now I must be honest with you. I didn't read that one. Can't really think of a man I want to drive wild in bed. But I'm sure its got to be at least 5 or 6 pages long!
MY TWO CENTS ON
CYBER SEX
You'll notice soon that I haven't placed any links in this page to Sex sites. I figure if you're into that kind of thing, you already know the best places to go. And who am I to tell you where you should?
Just don't know how some of you do it. I mean, I have a hard enough time typing with two hands. One handed? NO WAY!
And the thought of the climax. Now, I know, liquid of any kind on live electrical equipment can cause Blue sparks! And what scares me is where those Blue sparks might go. Talk about electrifying! Don't get me wrong here. If you are an adult, and your into that sort of thing, then by all means press on. Who am I to say "go forth and get a real live partner" I just think it would be more fun.
If you have a spouse, I dont think you should get involved in a cyber sex relationship with somebody else. That is unless your spouse is fully aware of everything thats said between you and this other person and gives the big OK to it. And heres why.
Sex is a very powerful thing. It invokes feelings for that person that sometimes get way out of control. All of a sudden, you just might fall in love and be willing to lose everything you've worked so hard for to be with this other person. Cyber sex is not just words on the screen that don't mean anything. They are words that can spark incredable emotions. And these emotions can take you places that you never thought you would go when you started doing it.
Problem is, those words do mean something. Fantasys are a part of life for everyone. We all have them and dream them. Some of us even get to live them. When we get wrapped up and warped by fantasy, we forget real life or real relationships and put them aside like they don't mean anything to us anymore.
Now think about it for a minute. Your spouse and you have done God only knows what together in the bedroom, bathroom, living room, garage, roof, and everywhere. You've seen them in the morning, at night, sick, healthy, happy, sad, naked, dressed, and every way a person can be. You two have done, and have been everything together.
So now why do you want to tell and act out a sex fantasy with a complete stranger? Dont you think your spouse would just maybe like to explore this fantasy with you? Even if all you want to do is talk about it. You know, a little whisper in your ear on the subject by them during foreplay. So, what can it hurt to discuss it with them? It can't hurt at all. Only improve what you two already have.
Now don't tell me that your fantasy is so far out there that your spouse would think your some kind of pervert and never talk to you again. You should never be to embarrassed to bring it before them. Someone who really loves you would never think such a thing. Now they might not be willing to dress up in that chicken suit for you and cluck around the room. But, then again, they might.
Whatever you decide to to try, for goodness sakes, BE CAREFUL! I'm reminded of a story I read in the paper a couple of years ago. Seems a husband and wife loved to play super hero. He would tie her to the bed naked, dress up like Batman, and come rescue her. He had her nude and tied to the bed, and climbed up on a dresser. In the process of jumping to the bed for her "rescue", he hit his head on the spinning ceiling fan. Knocked out cold and bleeding from a badly cut head wound, he fell on her. She had to start yelling at the top of her lungs for help. A neighbor man, hearing her crys, came to their rescue. Now that would be embarrassing. Somehow, I dont think Batman will ever be able to talk her into doing that again. But Ya never know!
When your spouse finds out about your cyber affair, and believe me, they will if you carry on long enough. Don't you think they would feel hurt? That some complete stranger would know all about or possibly even more about your sexual thoughts and deep desires than they did? How would you feel if it was you finding out?
Shouldn't all sexual explorations be with your spouse? Damn few of us were virgins when we met our spouse. After the wedding, dont you think that all the new firsts in sex should be with them? Don't they deserve that? Didn't your wedding vows have the line "to forsake all others" in it? Now just what do you think that meant?
Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING should be witheld, sexually, from your spouse. If there is something hidden, you should bring it out into the open. You'll feel much better about it. And who knows? They just might be thinking the same thing. Why take a chance on losing the trust your spouse has in you? Once its gone, it might never return. Is it worth it for words of sex on a computer screen? I think not!
For all means go to these SEX sites together if your interested in exploring. What can it hurt? Your spouse might find something that they want to explore too. Who knows?
Communication is the key word here. If you dont have it with your spouse, they shouldn't be your spouse. Married to someone your afraid or ashamed to talk about sex to? What would be the point?
But then again, Just what the hell do I know? I only know what I would feel. And since this is MY sex page, Thats all that matters!
Is that two cents worth? I hope so!
MY SEXUAL AWAKENING
Back in the middle ages, when I was in my early teens, is when I suddenly became aware of the thing called SEX. All of a sudden, the girls I had grown up with weren’t just long haired kids who giggled at everything.
Nor were they the only kids who carried with them the dreaded disease "cooties". Which required all us boys to carry around our invisible cans of spray to ward off those pesky critters if a girl should pass to close to us. Girls had become a different being entirely.
All of a sudden, Mom never had to tell me to comb my hair, take a bath, or wash my face. I honestly wondered to myself if I had not been quick enough with my spray can that day when all of a sudden I had to dance with the girls in gym class. Hmmmmm, I thought to myself as I held her as far away as I could, this is not so bad.....not so bad at all!
But I could not let the other guys know of these feelings I was having. Oh my.... the embarrassment of that rhyme...Spa*man and Suzy sitting in the tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes Spa*man with the baby carriage. NO WAY!...not Spa*man.. I was never gonna get married.. as long as I lived!
But, as I was telling this to myself...those cooties had infected me with Testosterone, and it had started to weaken my defenses. It had this very powerful force behind it as it did things to my voice and forced hairs to spring up on parts of my body where hair had never grown before.
I had noticed that Suzy had been affected by things too. Her upper chest had swollen and her hips had started to fill out.
I was in a bad way.
I dared not raise my hand to go up to write the answer to the question on the blackboard in class. I cant tell you how many times I pretended to not know the answer and hope I wasn't called on anyway. See, hairs weren’t the only thing springing up out of nowhere.
And it didn't help going to school everyday and passing that billboard with the blonde in a long, tight, black dress telling me to drink Black Velvet Whiskey.
Or the Redhead, selling razor blades, telling me to "Take it off....Take it all off."
But the worst was the sexy Brunette with the cigarettes softly whispering to me "Its not how long you make it...Its how you make it long."
I was a basket case.
I wanted to try out this SEX thing...badly! But the worst was yet to come. I was looking through my Dad's "MEN" monthly publication and saw an article on men and women. I was shocked to learn that men reached their sexual peak at age 18. AND WOMEN REACHED THEIRS AT 35!!!!
In 3 more years, I was going to be on the downhill slide. Now where was I going to find a woman of 35? Mom was around 35. Damn, I was never gonna know about the SEX thing.
But I made it through those times OK, and never really looked back till now.
Kind of funny, wasn't I?
Today, with MTV, Baywatch, and a host of other shows, all of that stuff seems kind of lame.
Today, there's only one who has that power over me. She's the only one who makes my eyes pop out, makes my tongue drag on the floor, and floats my boat on the sea of desire. That’s Em, my wonderful Sweetie Pie.
Now, I just want to say that I think that between two people truly in love, SEX is a most wonderful thing. But, sometimes people get into something that they should not have started in the first place. SEX, just for the momentary pleasure it brings, will never fill the needs of anyone needing love. If you use SEX to get love, your barking up the wrong tree.
Over the last year and a half I've been coming into chat rooms, I've seem to have been the shoulder to cry on for both guys and gals. So many different people with the same story. It truly brings me down because they had something together once and now they feel it's impossible to patch.
I will admit that each and every relationship goes through a few bumps and potholes on the road of life. We always have to watch out for these. That’s why in a loving and caring relationship, you watch the road ahead to avoid them or slow down if you cant.
And, no matter how much I hate to admit it here, it's us guys who are mostly at fault. We allow ourselves to get lazy in our relationships. We seem to get it in our heads that all is fine and forget that our women still need to feel wanted and loved.
For any husbands married over ten years. When's the last time you told your woman that she excites you? When's the last time you wrote her a note expressing your love and desire for her? Just look in the mirror, pal. You are not getting one day younger. Those fond memories of your past stud days are over. Kids, Job, House and Wifey.
I'll tell you what. Tonight, or as soon as you can, sneak up on her and give her a big squeeze! Whisper into her ear just how beautiful she is as you softly kiss her neck and nibble her ear. And do it without expecting SEX! I know it's tough the first couple of times, but it gets easier as you go.
Look deep and pull out those feelings you had when you first met. Don't worry, they're still there. After all, she's the same woman as she always was. She's waiting for it to be as it once was too. Remember those times in the car? Nobody around and dark? Your song on the radio? Smooching away the hours?
Hmmmmmm, so what are you waiting for? Get out there and steam up those windows!!! Now that I have all the guys pissed at me after the wives show this to their husbands...its your turn....ladies...
So, tell me girls, when’s the last time you've done something special for that man in your life? You know what he likes and don't like. You know what sexy little outfits will drive him crazy.
Here's an idea. Go out and get your own little sexy thing. Of course, for all means, wait till he's done something to deserve it! Never reward inaction. He'll start to expect it. See, we guys can get a little lazy, just between you and me.
And what’s this stuff about men's work? If there is no longer such a thing as women's work, the Men's work stuff has to go out the window too. Or seems to me, but I'm a man....What the heck do you expect?
I heard a saying once long ago that a man wanted a wife to act like a Sunday School teacher during the day and at night in bed, he wanted her to act like a $2,000.00 hooker. Now that’s in his bed...not another guys.. I don’t think I would go that far as to say that, Em would want the $2,000.00....just kidding love.
Now as I remove the broomstick from my rear that my most loving and sweet wife has thought was a good place to store it, I'll get on with it. The biggest problem with us guys is we have a communication problem. Its hard for us to express just what the heck is going on in our brains. We're big strong men that have grown up with the notion that showing emotion is a weakness. No matter what they were.
You ladies have to work that out of us so our true selves (whatever that means) can come out to you. It's hard to cry when as you were growing up you were called a crybaby.
Now what the heck does all this have to do with SEX? Beats me, I just got off the road somewhere. And as well you ladies know.. MEN NEVER ASK DIRECTIONS!!!!! This is as good a place to stop for the night anyway. See? I planned to come here all the time!
SEX JOKE
Jokes on SEX? What will they think of next?
Everybody has a dog named "Rover" or "Rex". I call mine "SEX". Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, " I'd like to have one too." Then I said, " But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "But you don't understand, I've had sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the clerk at the motel that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for sex. He told me that every room in the place was for Sex. I said, " You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said," Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing looking around. I told him I planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold tickets. "But you don’t understand, " I said, " I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a showoff.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, " Your honor , I had Sex before I was married" The judge said, " Me too." Then I told him that after I was married , Sex left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and said, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 am in the morning?” I said, "I am looking for sex."
The case comes up on Friday.
A very special thanks to TINK for sending that one to me. Have a cold one, on me, mate!
Now for the lawyer ( lier? ) stuff.....
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